Eyes Open

So "I just don't understand." Really. I don't understand. Because for the last three years, I've known for a fact that I'm one of the few people who does, whether she likes it or not. Oh yes, there have been those people who grab that image you project of who you want to be, as you dangle it in front of their face. The oh so "complicated" image of a girl...even though it's not. She's simpler than she tries to seem. Pulling bits & pieces of herself out of stories & movies of all these tragic characters she wants to be.
She needs to learn. Life isn't a story & if she follows through till the day she dies on the pathetic, boring, simple & lifeless path she's on, I swear to god I'll be so ashamed. She's brilliant, you see. Beautiful too, & clever & funny. But she can't think for herself, define who she is without outside help. I hate when teenage girls bitch at each other about being "fake" because in my eyes that's almost impossible. Everyone is real. But the person she makes yourself out to be is a total fraud.
Maybe this is about me not believing, because really, I'm not going to pretend I do for someone whose beliefs & way of life I have zero respect for. I'm all for religion & believing in something, if that's what makes you happy. But she doesn't use to to be happy. She uses it as a way of hiding from herself& justifying all her fuck-ups. Oh, it's "in God's hands." So it'll all be okay. Wake up call: you save yourself or remain unsaved. No one's gonna do it for you.
So she can say all she wants, try to persuade herself that I'm too confused to know what's best. Because I do know. Yeah, it might not be the easy way, but it's what's right.
& she knows it.
& I'm just waiting for her & I to talk, & her to tell me that this is all due to my loss of faith, or the faith that was never really there.
But honestly...the only thing I lost faith in was her.