If you're among cows, it's not chill.
If you're supposed to get picked up at a certain time a half hour away, you best be there...& not arrive 45 min later with a bullshit stories, reeking, with your eyes bright red.
Get your shit together next time. Damn.
But:
Long conversations with people you hardly know are nice.
& finally sleeping will be amazing.
You only live once, right?
Totally irrelevant if you don't get my train of thought/day:
"With each scar there's a map that tells a story,
what a souvenir of
young love's like jumping out an airplane,
riding a tidal wave."
-Katy Perry
After doing some hardcore myspace stalking, I stumbled upon a certain girl's profile & read her "About Me" which made me laugh. It seems normal enough, & honest, but if you knew what a fucking joke this chick is, you'd understand.
I couldn't keep this to myself, but yeah, I know I'm obnoxious & judgemental & immature, so I went to one of my beloved friends who I knew would enjoy it as much as I did.
So I sent her the corny shit I had read, which was:
You can't fake an image of yourself, & be happy with it. No matter how the people around you see you , you'll never appreciate who you are until you give the people around you a chnace to appreciate that person too.
Be commited to who you truly are. Images are harder to change then you'd think.
There are very few people who appreciate you for being exactly who you are & completely being honest about how you see things. It's hard, & it's disappointing. But it's worth it for the feeling you get when you meet those select people who think the best things about you are the things no one would ever value.
"You have to learn that your body is the only thing you will have your entire life, and if you fuck it up.. you don't get another."
[I reached out to someone who i thought understood a problem enough to give me a solution. I'd love to do exactly what she told me to, because out of all the advice I'd been given, it was the most honest & useful. It's hard, but I'm trying.]
Whenever adults say that they are to make the choices in your life for you because you're not yet old enough to understand, they're right. We don't understand everything, we're still learning so, so much. But we need to make our own choices, make are own mistakes, so we can learn those lessons. It's just the way it's supposed to be.
Be nice to your parents, & honest. They love you. Yes, they can be mean. & completely messed up. They can be selfish, & they can hurt you. But imagine if you had someone in your life who you raised, & dedicated a part of your life to. The least you can do is show that you love them back, no matter what you've gone through.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobosky
You have to define right vs. wrong for yourself. You have to set limits for yourself, but ones you believe in. It doesn't matter if the people around you think what you are doing is "wrong" as long it feels right to you.
Love is real. I don't care what anyone says. Romanticly or not, there are just people you can't help but be in awe over the fact that you get the privledge of even knowing them.
So many people are more focused on doing things to send a message, then doing it because they think it's right, or because it's the way they really feel. It's pathetic, & fake. & it really doesn't make you feel better about yourself.
[Inspired by a good talk I had today.]
Being kind, understanding & forgiving to someone is the best way to make an impact in someone's life. Everyone needs someone like that.
Another overrstated piece of advice, but what other people think really doesn't matter, as long you're happy. The people worth being in your life will stand by you, know matter what.
Do your best to appreciate everything. Your life is so much more worthwhile when you see beauty in everything.
Sometimes you like the idea of someone, more then the person themselves.
Don't waste yourself. I don't mean in the case of school, or work, I mean in general. So many people have an unlimited amount of unique traits, yet they hide them, or don't use them. Embrace it.
You never sop learning.
When you first left I was so angry. I tried to be supportive, I really did. & I knew it was what was best for you. But in some selfish, harsh part of my mind I couldn't forgive you for leaving me. You were the number one person in my life, & the best friend I'd ever had, & you left. It took me months to get over myself enough to see that this was better, for both of us. You got the chance for a new start, one that people in your life, or your past had kept you from here. I got the chance to make a name for myself, without hiding behind you.
& I accepted it. I have accepted it. I've gotten to the point where I miss you, God, I miss you so much, but I've come to understand that this is better, for both of us. & I'm grateful that we both got what we needed.
But at times, totally & utterly unexpectedly, it still hurts. It hurts a lot. I miss you so much that it actually aches. We went through so much. More then I think anyone around us will ever, or could ever understand. Because we relyed on each other. That year, when I was forteen & you were fifteen, you probably went through about five times as much as me, but I think I needed you more. & I still need you. I still need the person who could cheer me up no matter what, who I felt infinite & untouchable whenever they were around, who could always help me figure out what I needed to, when you didn't even know what you needed yourself. I still question how I get along now without you.
The answer is I grew up. & you grew up too, 600 miles away. I learned how to be my own person, & figured out a way at looking at life through my own eyes, not through yours. I learned that I couldn't always rely on other people to be exactly where I needed them when I needed them, I needed to take care of myself. I learned that sometimes in life, no one is going to be on your side, & you're going to be alone. & I learned things about you. Things I never could have seen when you were so close. I saw a good in you that I never appreciated because I was too busy being sick with envy over all the qualities you flaunted for the world to see, then really looking behind all that at who was inside you. & mostly, above all, I never saw how much you really, really needed this escape to survive until you were gone. & I should have. From the very begining, from the moment you left, i should have known this was right.
But even with all this, all that I've learned & all that we've change: I still need you. I have a bond with you I couldn't start to explain, & even if I got it all out, in the right, most clear words, the world probably still wouldn't understand.
& I don't care. Because I love you. So much. I love who you were then, who you are now, who you're becoming, & everything in between. I'll never stop feeling blessed for having you as my best friend. You're beautiful in every single way, & you deserve to have the most incredible life anyone could ask for. Never doubt yourself. & never forget, that even though you left, things changed, we changed, & nothing is like it was two years ago, you & I will always be the same. You are my best friend & so much more. I'll always be here, I swear, no matter what, forever.
"When the sun shines, we'll shine together, told you I'd be here forever, said I'd always be your friend; took an oath, I'm a stick it out till the end. Now that it's raining more than ever, know how it feels to have each other, you can stand under my umbrella, you can stand under my umbrella."-Rihanna
